ThE ScAlE

I hate looking back at high school knowing that I "thought" I was FAT. What was wrong with me. I played volley ball, soccer, water polo, and did track. Who in there right mind would think a girl who was doing all that could still be Fat. While getting ready for my walk/jog this morning I stepped on the scale after my first week of starting to get back on track health wise. Much to my surprise I gained 2.1 pounds. I started slow with the exercising (so I really don't think it is "muscle"). And yes, I did go over my meal plan a bit (curse you mac n cheese and birthday party) but really I had a goal of -0.8lbs. I could have probably loss that much by just cutting my hair and on top of not losing it I gained ..grrrr. While stewing in my disgust this really annoying (at the time) voice came into my head "You have trusted me with all the "big" stuff now you have to trust me with this too". Gulp..Wow, ok.

Lets make this long story short. A year ago my husband and I took Dave Ramsey's FPU class at our church. It has been amazing and such a God sent. We are down to a single debt (our car) and should pay that off in about a week or two. Unfortunately my husband was laid off and has been out of work going on three weeks now. We are trying to sell our house, which has had two offers that were approved by the bank (but the buyers pulled out last minute). All the while taking care of our 5 month old, 3 year old and now my husband all day. By the way this entertainment committee (me, myself, and I) is running out of steam. My plate is what you call... over flowing. The great thing is I really don't feel all kinds of pressure or stress. I know God is in control and I know he has a plan better then any plan I can come up with. SO, I've focused on the time we do have with the hubby, trying to get the most out of it as we can. The only thing is I didn't realize that I might have given God all the "stressful stuff" but then not realizing it, I tried to take control over something I knew would make me feel like I was "in control" ....my weight.

It took us almost 2 1/2 years to have our second kiddo and right before finding out we were going to have her I had gotten fit! Like, I feel great in a dress fit (and I Hate dresses). Like, I love to spend 3 hours at the gym fit! Like, I feel like I can do anything fit! Then I hopped on the treadmill one day to warm up and ... I don't feel so good.... stopped the machine, hmmm when was the last time I had my monthly not so friendly friend? Off to the store and then didn't get back to the gym for almost 9 months. I gained 30lbs and have lost 20... well now 22. Which I know is good. But I want to have that feeling again. You see I'm not the fit I was. The weight I have on me is not muscle by any means, and I'm about 40 lbs from healthy. See I'm doing it again.

You know I think I finally get it now. That high school girl just needed to feel like she was in control of something anything. So she allowed the world to give her a impossible image of what she should be, and then she measured her self by how close she was to that imposable goal. All this to say God spoke to me, and after almost 14 years I got it. Child knock it off and give me everything.

So what has that voice been trying to tell you? And the even bigger question.. what are you going to do about it?